Missing you

Some days are so hard. I think about Mom all day long. I just want to be able to talk to her again. To think that she will never be here for me and Shell and Bub and Dad, it hurts so bad. It sounds ludicrous, but it actually makes my heart hurt. I'm not kidding....There's a pain in my chest that comes when I'm thinking about her a lot.  I just want her back. I want her to meet her grandchildren and help me move into my first house and...and....and....and.... The list goes on. I still have a hard time watching movies and tv shows where people die. Like right now, at this very minute, I'm the crying victim of "PS...I Love You." And whenever I decide to catch up on "Greys," I usually end up another crying victim.     ugh

Now, most days I'm good. I still think about her a lot. But somedays....I think about her all day long. I guess, most days I just hold all my feelings in until they explode out of me. People would tell me that it gets easier with time and for the longest time I didnt believe it. I believe it now. I'm so glad that there are people that have come into my life in the past year and helped me. Help guide me, gave me a shoulder to cry on or just an ear to listen to me. To know that I have other people in my life that have gone through this same thing, makes it easier for me. (And I don't want that to sound like I'm glad they have lost someone important to them...It's just that they have helped me through this journey and for that I am thankful.)

Having somewhere that I can write my feelings and get it out in the open I think will help. Maybe it won't all come expoding out like it did with this post. Today was a crazy day. I think I felt every emotion possible today but thank you for listening....to whoever may be reading this.

November 14th

Spent most of today just hanging out with the family. We didn't have anything planned, and we didn't do much of anything, but it was so nice to just be together on this day. I love my family and really want to move closer to them. La Habra, Brea, Fullerton, Whittier.... somewhere so that it doesn't take half an hour to get to Dad's house. Hopefully, when we seriously start looking to by a house, we'll be able to find something in that area. I suppose I could start looking for an apartment in that area, but at the same time, I don't particularly want to move until we move into our house. We have an apartment now that we love (most of the time), but we feel like we are starting to out grow it. Just think once we start our family, we will be CRAMPED in here.

Yesterday we spent the day shooting for the web-series, "The Uninfected." (theuninfected.com) I cant wait til they get into a flow for filming....when they do it'll be once a month, (hopefully not 12 hours each time.) Yesterday was a long day, most of it spent in the garage of our friend's house. I learned that I can only do about 10 hours "on set" before I start to get cranky and snappy.

Well, I will continue to update my blog for now even though I haven't told anyone about it yet. It'll give people stuff to go back and read up on later! :)

-Missy